We teach children to say please because it鈥檚 polite, but what about our dogs? Should we ask them to say please, too? And how would you even do that? Asking your dog to perform a simple behavior, like nose targeting, before you hand over a resource, like a toy, is the canine equivalent of saying 鈥減lease.鈥� And just like in children, it leads to good manners.
What Does It Mean to Ask Your Dog to Say Please?
Asking your dog to say please is all about having your pet earn the things they want. It鈥檚 like giving a child an allowance if they do their chores. If your dog wants a walk, ask them to sit before you open the door. If your dog wants to play a game of tug-of-war, ask them to lie down before you start the game. And so on. In essence, your dog learns they get what they want by giving you what you want.
Think of it as a new way of interacting with your dog. Rather than providing resources at random or for no reason, sometimes you鈥檒l ask your dog to earn them with a simple behavior they already understand. In this way, reinforcing your dog鈥檚 training will no longer be a chore you need to schedule, or worse, something you only do at dog training classes. Now, it will be built into your day-to-day relationship with your dog.
When Should You Ask Your Dog to Say Please?
You can ask your dog to say please anytime you want to provide them with a resource. That could be their dinner bowl, a round of fetch, or even attention. Anything your dog wants is a resource you can potentially use. However, this isn鈥檛 about frustrating your dog. For example, don鈥檛 try to teach a new behavior while your dog is anxiously awaiting mealtime. Dangling the food bowl in front of them isn鈥檛 going to make it any easier for them to learn a new task. Practice things your dog already understands instead of challenging them with new distractions. When you ask for please, you want your dog to get it right.
Also, asking your dog to say please isn鈥檛 about withholding resources. Your dog has physical, mental, and emotional needs, and you unequivocally must meet them. There is nothing wrong with giving resources away for free whenever you feel like it or when your dog isn鈥檛 up to performing. For instance, if your dog needs comforting during a thunderstorm, pet and cuddle them. Don鈥檛 wait for them to obey you first.
The say please approach is often called 鈥渘othing-in-life-is-free鈥� (NILIF). But many proponents of NILIF require a dog to earn every single resource or do without. NILIF is also sometimes described as a way to ensure your dog鈥檚 place in the hierarchy of the household. But that鈥檚 simply not an effective or healthy way to approach your relationship with your dog. Saying please isn鈥檛 about deferring to you. It鈥檚 about reinforcing good behavior with every reward at your disposal.
Why Should You Ask Your Dog to Say Please?
If you want to be relevant to your dog, you need to show them that listening to you pays off. Nothing makes that clearer than benignly controlling access to rewards. Asking your dog to say please, rather than giving everything away for free, teaches your dog that you鈥檙e the gateway to the good stuff. As a result, your dog will listen better and focus on you more.
Say please also helps to influence the behaviors your dog chooses to express. Remember that dogs repeat behaviors that work. If pawing you gets them noticed, your dog will paw more in the future. But if sitting earns your attention, that鈥檚 the behavior your dog will try next time instead. Your dog is always learning. In fact, whether you鈥檙e conscious of it or not, every interaction you have with your dog teaches them something. And that might be the opposite of what you intended, such as a dog that learns to bark when you鈥檙e on the phone. So be deliberate about your interactions. Asking for please allows you to control your dog鈥檚 lesson plan and encourage good manners in the future.
In addition, this approach allows you to incorporate life rewards into your training. Life rewards are things your dog values other than food. That might be walks, the chance to go outside for a potty break, or belly rubs. Discover what your dog enjoys, then use those items in your say please program. This will help you fade treats from your training which eliminates the problem of your dog only listening when you have a cookie in your hand.
How Does Your Dog Benefit by Saying Please?
The benefits of asking your dog to say please aren鈥檛 just for you. It can be good for your dog, too. It can help build canine confidence as your dog learns how the world works. Instead of resources appearing seemingly at random, your dog will learn they can make the good stuff appear simply by listening to you. That also provides a sense of control over their environment. If you think about it, you manage most aspects of your dog鈥檚 existence. After all, they likely can鈥檛 open the kibble bag or front door without your help. But when you ask them to shake a paw first, they learn they can make things happen.
How Do You Ask Your Dog to Say Please?
When you ask your dog to say please, choose a behavior you expect them to successfully perform given the circumstances. You might get a 30-second stay in the living room, but not on the sidewalk, for instance. Using mealtime as an example, here are the simple steps to incorporate this program into your routine:
- Prepare your dog鈥檚 food, then before you put the down on the ground, ask your dog to sit, lie down, or some other behavior they understand.
- If they perform the behavior successfully, praise your dog. You can also mark the moment with a clicker or marker word like 鈥測es.鈥� Then immediately place the dish on the ground, so your dog understands their behavior triggered access to the food.
- If your dog doesn鈥檛 perform the behavior right away, wait a few seconds. This might be a new concept for them. If you still don鈥檛 get a response, you鈥檝e likely asked for a behavior your dog isn鈥檛 solid with. Instead, ask for something simpler, so they can earn their food and begin to understand the rules of the game.
- Once your dog learns that sitting politely makes mealtime arrive, try asking for a new behavior to keep things fun and fresh.