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Dogs offer an unconditional type of love we don鈥檛 always experience in our human relationships. When it鈥檚 time to say goodbye to such an integral part of our families, it can be a traumatic experience.
Not everyone respects grieving the loss of a pet the way they would a human family member鈥攖here isn鈥檛 always the same level of sympathy or understanding. It鈥檚 not uncommon to hear non-dog owners say things like, 鈥淲hy are you so upset? It was just a dog鈥� or 鈥淛ust go out and get another one.鈥�
Of course, welcoming another dog into your family can be part of the healing process, but there isn鈥檛 a set time for when it鈥檚 best to do this. Grief is an extremely personal journey and isn鈥檛 a linear experience. Allowing yourself and any other family members time to process these feelings is sensible before making a decision.
It Will Be Different For Every Family
is a veterinarian and co-founder of . Geriatric medicine, the aging process in animals, and teaching families practical ways to care for and manage their elder pets are her passions.
She describes how the right time to introduce a new dog to the family will be different in every situation. 鈥淧rocessing grief can be very helpful in general, and the distraction of a new pet may be good, but may also take away from memorializing the first dog.鈥� The last thing you want is to resent your new dog because you haven鈥檛 grieved enough.
鈥淣ot everyone goes through immense grief after the loss of a dog that prevents them from opening their heart again sooner,鈥� says Dr. Gardner. 鈥淪ometimes the silence in the home is too much for a grieving owner, and filling the void is helpful.鈥� She believes it鈥檚 a very personal decision. 鈥淭here鈥檚 nothing wrong with getting a new pet right away鈥攐r waiting for months or years to love again,鈥� she adds.
Processing Grief
There isn鈥檛 a universal approach for handling the complicated grief process. It鈥檚 important to take time to acknowledge rather than minimize feelings of grief. Memorializing the pet you have lost can also help you understand if you and your family are ready for a new dog.
Bereavement counseling can be beneficial for people struggling to cope with the loss of a much-loved dog. Brenda Brown, MA, FT is a grief specialist and owner of . She offers support services to owners before and after losing their pets. She also agrees that grieving is a very individual process. 鈥淎s a grief specialist, I always totally focus on my client鈥檚 story and relationship with their deceased pet. We talk about their grief symptoms and how they can cope with each one, whether it鈥檚 physical, mental, spiritual or social,鈥� she explains.
鈥淪elf-care can be so difficult in the early grieving stages. Healthy eating and drinking, along with sleeping, are crucial. I encourage my clients to keep talking and sharing their grief story with other trusted and understanding friends and family,鈥� she says.
Brown encourages her clients to visit online pet loss groups. 鈥淗earing and learning from other pet loss owners can be so helpful. Also, it鈥檚 great to know that you aren鈥檛 alone on the grief journey.鈥�
There鈥檚 also an on Facebook. The private group offers members a place to grieve and comfort one another.
Some common ways of remembering your pet include creating a photobook, journaling, or commissioning a portrait. Brown explains that 鈥渋n the early stages of grief, I suggest keeping many of your pet鈥檚 keepsakes (toys, collars, dog dishes, pictures, etc.). Eventually, as owners heal, we discuss ideas for keepsake treasures they can make or purchase (, , tattoos, , stuffed animals, etc.). These special items can provide a great deal of comfort.鈥�
Consider Other Household Pets
If you have another dog or other pets, it鈥檚 important to consider them before introducing a new dog to the household. Throwing an excitable young puppy into the mix when you have a senior dog that鈥檚 choosy about who they socialize with may not be a fair decision.
However, dogs can experience grief at the loss of their furry friend too, and, sometimes, having a new dog around for companionship can help them feel less lonely.
Dr. Gardner says you need to consider how the new pet can change the dynamics in the house. She recognizes that 鈥渢he existing pet may enjoy a new friend to play with.鈥� However, if they have high care needs or will stress with the introduction of a new pet, then the timing might not be right.
Try Not to Compare Your Old Dog to Your New One Too Much
Dr. Gardner thinks it鈥檚 common for grieving owners to compare their new dog to their previous one. She admits she has even done this herself. While it might be difficult not to do this to some degree, don鈥檛 be disappointed or frustrated if your new dog doesn鈥檛 behave the way your beloved previous dog did.
If you have a passion for a particular breed or opt for the same breed as your last dog, you might compare them even more, since they look alike and share similar breed traits. But every dog is unique.
鈥淚t can be a problem when someone sets expectations for the new pet. It鈥檚 important to just let the new pet be themselves and develop their own awesome personalities,鈥� says Dr. Gardner.
A dog you shared your life with will never be forgotten or replaced. But, when the time is right, and another dog comes into your life, you can create new memories together. Building a relationship with them can continue to help heal your heart.